Redefining Success

About 3 days ago I sat and watched a PBS program on someone I would never even consider being interested in...John Wooden.  Sports just ain't my thing...I'm more inclined to listen to Oprah then someone who coached collegiate basketball and I still, after watching the show, have no idea really what John did in his life and I have no clue how important the awards were that he earned, but I do know that I had a tremendous breakthrough listening to this man.

John defined success.  He defined it in 1934 and it remained the cornerstone of his coaching, his life, his program...it defined him as well as all of the men who looked up to him for guidance in his years of coaching. John's definition of success was coined as "Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." 


Wow....when I heard him say tears swelled in my eyes and I sat there, remote in hand, kids running circles under me nodding my head in agreement.  It was one of those moments that the world snaps into place and suddenly you have clarity.  I have been chasing and looking for some purpose for so long and yet I was capable of success all a long right where I am.  I was looking for monetary and social stroking, accolades, important friends to define success.  I felt this life (being a stay at home) was fine for now there were elements I liked but all in all I wasn't very good at it and so when I started working again then THAT would be when my success came, THAT was when I would find my passion and define myself.  What a waste!  I have the opportunity for success each and every day!  

For the past three days when I laid my head down at night I asked myself 1 question, Are you proud of who you were today?   Yes!  Because I knew that question was coming at night so during the day when I was impatient with the kids I sucked it up and found ways to be patient.  I engaged, I created the ideal of what I thought was a good mom/wife/friend/Homekeeper/daughter.  All the different roles I played over the course of the weekend, I asked myself, Am I giving my all?  Am I doing my best?  The result...satisfaction at the end of the night.  Joyfulness which comes with peace of mind-success.

John Wooden may have completely changed my life in one simple statement. 

Belly Laughs

The funny things my children did today that make me increasingly thankful:


Wet kisses...

Pennies for wishes in fountains...

Faith that Mom's kisses heal all kinds of hurts...

Little helpers in the garden...

Don't eat the bulbs!

Bath #1...

Using Mom's tampons as birthday candles...

Sneaking dog food as treats????

Bare bottoms running from me...

Little prayers of "dank you Jesus"...


Seats of honor for tattered teddies...

Smack smack of PB&J washed down with ice cold milk...

Messy fingers and faces....jelly on nose....


Little Brother eager to protect Little Mama...

"Mine Daddy has superpowers!"

Pickles are the best, even though they're sour!

Puppy whimpers, Little Brother points "Mommy make it better."

Heads bent together in mischief, scatter when Mom comes...


Little Mama hand on hip and head bent chattering on her "cell phone"


Hands outstretched before crossing...

Crunch of apple crisp, shared a little unwillingly...

Jump for joy when Daddy calls...

Veggitales....again....

Tea party for the bunny and kitty...

Little naps, pink cheeks and warmed by the sun, sleepy eyes reluctant to open...

A grumpy girl smacks...an opportunity to teach love...

Invisible racetracks on hallway walls...repaint hallway walls goes on the To Do list...

Little Brother wants to buckle his own seat belt...

Time to see Grams...

Excitement over cousins...play hard and loudly...

Happy dance for pizza...

A long ride home...

Sleepy eyelids sure to close...bobbing heads...hold out just a little longer...

Cradled in capable arms...laid to rest in quilts and throws...bedtime at last

Big Changes

Whewww...it's been a while since I've written a post.  I have to say I have been dealing with some major grown up stuff that is messy and yucky.  So today in honor of the messy and yucky and just because I was so darn sick and tired of being sick and tired I took the kiddo's to the library and after the library I decided that it was time to have a bit of kid fun and we stopped at a little Italian Dinner down the street from us called Goodfella's.  You know it's the kind of place where the owner is a big Italian guy and it looks like the mob meets there twice a week?  Well we ordered chocolate milks and split a HUGE I'm talking HUGE banana split complete with the cherry on top.  I tried to to take a photo of this thing because it was massive, but my phone died and I couldn't keep the rug-rats away much longer.  We polished that thing off in minutes and were covered, I mean COVERED in melted ice cream, chocolate and whipped cream.  Little Brother had ice cream in his eyelashes, Little Mama had ice cream everywhere!  And I had a big scoop land plop right into my purse.  There is no way I'm going to get my rug-rats to eat dinner now, but we needed a break and so did mom!

So here is to eating dessert before dinner!


Love,
Brandi

The Most Important Love

I am on a journey.  At the beginning of the year I had several different generalized resolutions but as the month has gone on and as the days pass I am realizing that it all boils down to one resolution really.  That is to love myself. 


I knew that it was a problem, not loving myself, but I never knew how big of a problem it was and how large the impact it had on my life and my relationship with others.  I always had this nagging feeling that I should spend more time/money/effort on myself, but that feeling was always counteracted by this nagging sense that I am a mom and my responsibilities are to give to my children.  If I didn't buy myself XXX then I could give XXX to my daughter or son.

I was raised in a family where Mom made many sacrifices.  I watched Mom give up hobbies and passions for us kids and although I was proud of the things my mom accomplished and loved and I knew that it wasn't right for her to give up so much, somehow I came out of it doing the exact same thing with my own family.  I was raised believing that beauty is more than skin deep, and well that is true.  But where did I learn that it wasn't important at all?  I felt that by giving and giving of myself, my time and energy I was being a good mom.  That is until I ran myself into the ground.

Last year was a difficult long year and I am so glad that it is behind me.  I embraced 2012 as a fresh start and a chance to change things and to really embrace and take a stance against what was holding me back.  I thought I knew what the problems were.  I thought I had pin-pointed exactly where I had gone wrong, but as I started to make changes old familiar feelings started coming back and I was paralyzed to make a difference.

I realized, with some help, that the challenges that I had were only symptoms of a sickness that is bone deep.  So deep in fact, that I wasn't even aware of the real issue.  That issue is that I just don't love myself.  I always put myself last if at all.

Source: flickr.com via Caro on Pinterest

As I've become aware of this I've tried to make changes.  I will tell you it is not easy.  This afternoon, for example, I wanted to spend some time to myself shopping.  There wasn't anything in particular that I was in search for (rarely do I just shop, unless list is in hand).  First I had trouble asking for my Hubby to stay with the kids.  I actually felt guilty asking and it took some time before I actually did get around to asking.  Of course he was supportive and had no problem giving me some time to myself, but I had mounted in my head all of these terrible reasons why I shouldn't leave ranging from my son has a slight cold and needs me to we don't have money to spend.  He practically had to push me out the door.  In the driveway, engine running I just sat there in the car.  I knew I didn't really need anything and so once again like a ping pong ball I went back and forth justifying what I was going to do.  I honestly felt paralyzed by fear!  I knew I had to break through it so I just backed up the car and started driving.  I eliminated the choice of giving up.

I had no place to go in particular but I drove around the block until I decided to visit a little vintage shop that I had been in once long ago.  I bought myself a little necklace.  It was the first thing I saw when I walked through the door and it just caught my eye, she was so adorable. I bought myself something and didn't even think twice about it.  I didn't think if it was practical or how many gallons of milk or eggs the money would buy.  I immediately snatched it up.  I spent the rest of the time making peace with the peace of being by myself; being alone.  I looked through vintage dishes and embroidered tea towels, books and little vintage toys.  I cleared my mind and just enjoyed being with me.  I didn't have to worry about the kids breaking things or chasing them down or getting out of the shop as quick as possible to avoid a melt down and suddenly I felt very unburdened.  As soon as I put the necklace on in the car on my way home I felt the weight of the tiny rhinestones and silver and I felt peace and pride.  It was a first step in a journey of learning about one of the greatest loves of all.

Schedules

"She watches over the ways of her household..."  Proverbs 31:27

Now this my friends can be a big task.  Just this past weekend my Hubby and I got into a major fight.  We got in a fight because there were two particular events I was scheduled for that he completely forgot about.  Because he forgot, my plans were a bit of a wreck and I in turn (because us women do this) convinced myself that he just didn't care enough about my plans and he therefore must have done this on purpose to ruin my life (or is that just me?).  I was fuming mad and because I was mad I had a very hard time adjusting to the change of events and going with the flow.  How could he forget, I mean I had been talking about the events non stop, honestly I really think when I talk to him I must sound like the adults on The Peanuts to him. This afternoon being a sweetie that he can be he brought me a yummy healthy lunch (because he knows I'm on a diet) and had lunch with me and the kids to make up for it and to prove that he really cares about what is important to me.

So, when a woman gets mad she does 1 of 2 things:  throws something, or takes care of business.

So since I was past option 1 and I knew that wasn't going to get me anywhere I decided to make a commitment to my family and start to take care of business...like every one's business.  This led me to a very cool site I would love to share called Cozi.  If you have been on this site you probably love it, if not I strongly suggest you try it out.

Cozi is everything I ever wanted to be; the chart-making-color-coding-hyper-organized mama, only it's so much easier to fake it!  Here are my top 10 highlights of the program:

1. It's FREE.  Yay!  For the Budget Maven that is a beautiful word.
2. They have tons of great practical tips and articles about parenting, cleaning, decorating etc.
3. You can color code you family members and update them via email or text message reminders of the whole family's schedule.  You can even update changes as they happen!
4. There are check off lists for shopping and TO DOs which can also be emailed or texted to your phone and it even makes a sound when you check off that item (so satisfying for a gal like me)
5. You can get a weekly schedule updated to you and your family members for a week in advance.
6. When scheduling an appointment, guess what?? You can actual add the location which will bring up map quest, like when you get lost for the billionth time trying to get to your son's dentist....(or is that only me?)
7. You can link your calendar directly to your kid's school website and all the important date like holidays and vacations are automatically linked and filled in.
8.  You can even include pets and give them their own color for Vet appointments and grooming dates.
9.  They have a feature for meal planning that can be converged with your family's schedule (which is so cool it deserves it's own post)
10. My favorite thing is the family journal section.  In the Journal you can set up little memories of the events that are scheduled in your calendar (like birthdays, park days whatever) or you can just add fun memories.  You can upload picture to go along with the memory and then you can actually schedule an automatic email to go out to your contact list, out-of-state grandmas and grandpas, aunts, family members, friends whomever you choose.  They can be kept updated with the going-on of your busy family.


I highly recommend this program.  If you are already using Cozi I would LOVE to hear your experiences with it.  With Cozi you can be a Type A Mom too!


Love,
Brandi

Decisions

This morning I am off to observe a Special Day Class for my 8 year old who has autism.  It has been a very long road to get to the point we are at now.  He is in second grade and we have been fighting schools since he was 18 months.  In his short academic career he has had 3 formal suspensions and 4 expulsions.  To say the least it has been a roller coaster of emotions, worry, fear and frustration.

We constantly have had to fight for him, fight for more testing and solutions and results.  Unless you have been there, there is no way to explain the type of pain that you feel when your baby is told he doesn't fit in and that he can't come back.  Just this Tuesday we finally received the formal prognosis and his IEP shows now that he qualifies as Autistic.

I have been saying for years that he needed a one-on-one aid, however with budget cuts the likelihood of that happening is nil to none.  Our next avenue is the option of the day school.  He would be in a much smaller classroom, one tailored for his individual needs.

When my son first started Kindergarten he was recognized to have the potential to be an outstanding student.  He was above grade level in many subjects, especially math.  As time went by his behaviors caused problems.  He was sent out of the class often and sent to the office, he was suspended or we had to come and sit in the class with him in order for him to stay in the room. All the missing class time resulted in falling grades, learning gaps and eventually frustration for him when he was expected to know what the rest of the class knew.  He was also overly stimulated in the large classroom with 32 students.  He often had a hard time sitting in his seat, he would spin or walk in circles when he was overly frustrated or climb under his desk and cry.  He has been picked on and singled out as a "bad kid."

Sometimes I wish I just had a big t-shirt that I could put on him that said, "I HAVE AUTISM" so that people would stop looking at him the way they do, they just see him as being rude and bad mannered, a bully.  But I don't see that.  I see a boy who really struggles to make sense of this world and it breaks my heart.

The funny thing is that he has such a unique character.  He is funny, he can make you laugh, sometimes you forget you're talking to an 8 year old.  He wants to please and lead and be a helper.   When people stop and really get to know him they develop a real love for him.  I wish the world could see him the way that I do.

We have two weeks to decide if he will be switched.  I'm looking for a school that is going to foster his individuality, help him to become independent, help develop peer relationships and an environment where he isn't singled out as "bad."  Most importantly I want a teacher that wont give up on him.  We have been through teacher and teacher and few actually have really created a bond with him where they actual love him as a person.

Love,

Brandi